Saturday, August 3, 2013

My world has been turned upside down

On July 22 2013 my whole world turned upside down. The sun was still shining, the birds were still chirping, people were still going about their business but my world had come to an abrupt stop.
My partner, my soul mate and my best friend was taken from me.

I am still in shock and can not believe this has happened. His clothes are still in the closet and his shoes are waiting for him by the door. His motorcycle waits for him as does his truck. And with every door slam or knock on the door our lil bulldog Maggie gets excited thinking Daddy is home.
The thought of him never walking through the door or coming home still makes my heart hurt so bad.

I still do not know what took Brian from us, he took sick a month ago. He was seen twice in emergency and sent home. On July 8 I contacted a specialist and begged her to meet us at the emergency, she had him admitted. The numerous testing started immediately, but no one could give us a definite answer as to what was wrong. I spent everyday with him and accompanied him to all cat scans, xrays and watched him endure numerous blood test. I heard many guesses as to what it might be, but no one could give me a definite answer as to what was wrong with him.

And although Brian was a strong man, whatever was attacking his organs was too strong for him to fight. And he lost his battle July 22 2013.
 I am still waiting for the autopsy report to come back to know what took him from me.

I have been on auto pilot these last 3 weeks, planning a service and dealing with piles of paper work for vehicles and insurance. Because all our family is in Ontario, I took Brian home to our families to mourn. I made arrangements with a funeral home here and in Ontario. And I was able to be on every flight with Brian.

We had a service in Sudbury and I arranged for Brian to go for one last ride, with the help of Boothill Hearse. Brian has rode motorcycles most of his life and I wanted him to go out in style. After his service we took him for one last ride with 60 motorcycles following his hearse. It was a beautiful service and he is mourned by many. Brian was a very loved man and his family and friends feel a tremendous loss as I do. I am having Brian cremated and will be burying his ashes in the spring in Port Dover Ontario. It is where we met and where he wanted to be buried.
I just did not think I would be doing this so soon

I am back in British Columbia now and will be selling vehicles and furniture and down sizing for my move back to Ontario. Our plans for the future died with Brian, there will be no house in the country with his man cave. There will be no more bike rides in the country. All of this makes me very sad and makes me feel very very lost. I have no idea what the future holds for me. As I said I am still in shock and the wind has been taken out of my sails. I have lost the only man I ever truly loved.

I want to say to all of you, if you have the opportunity to travel please do it, and if you can retire do that as well. Check all of your vehicles to make sure your disability and life insurance is in tact.
Discuss funeral arrangements and what their wishes are.

 Spend time with your loved ones and treasure the time you have together.
Life can change drastically so very very fast.
If your man is like mine and fights you on going to the doctor for check ups
drag him there and make him have regular check ups

My husband was only 56 years old and he was taken from me too early.
 He had a lot more life to live
He and I were robbed of many years we should have had

I miss him terribly and feel like someone has cut my heart out.

Maggie and I are feeling very lost and very heart broken

Rest in peace my dear
I hope Heaven has Harleys

Brian James Fraser
Sept 13 1956 to July 22 2013
 I will love you forever my dear with all of my heart and soul
Thank you for showing me the world
and for loving me unconditionally
you were my everything
xo love xo
and of course
your little Maggie girl