This is how I feel the last few years like I have no title. Let me explain
I have been a Mom since I was 17, that is a title you are a Mom, I have been a Mom since 1974. I was a young Mom a very young and inexperienced Mom. I made a lot of mistakes as a Mom but having my children and being there Mom has always been what gives my life purpose and my proudest accomplishment.
Now that my kids have grown they feel they don't need a mother as much as they did so I sometimes feel like I have lost that title. I have alienated a few of my children and that loss is harder to bare then losing Brian. A few of them don't talk to me and they don't talk to each other. I have tried to fix things but nothing I do works. I found an online group of mothers who's children have disowned them and it is heart breaking that such a group exists. Even more heart breaking is that I now belong to that group. I don't want to belong to this group.
I was a wife and now that I am a widow this is a title I don't want to have. Each time I lose a title I seem to lose a bit of myself and I feel like I don't know who I am anymore.
I have been forced to leave a life behind and rebuild a new life. I am not a big fan of this new life I am currently living. I wake up most days and I don't recognize this life I am living.
I miss my children being part of my life everyday, I miss Brian and I miss Maggie.
Grieving the loss of someone who has died is heartbreaking and these last 5 years have been the hardest of my life. But grieving the loss of a child who is still alive but wants no part of you has come close to destroying me completely. It is not a loss I can accept and I don't know how to survive it.
I have been alive 61 years and I have been a Mom for 44 of those years, I don't know how to give up that title and never will
I am struggling to find where I belong now and what my purpose in life is, what is my title now
pray for me pray for my children
hugs
Tobey
